Two-faced.

I think too much sometimes.  Actually, correction, I think too much all the time.  It’s hard for me not to.  I don’t know whether it’s because I am a woman, a Virgo, or neurons firing in the wrong way in my head. All I know, is that sometimes it drives me insane.

When I first tried to start a blog, I couldn’t figure out what to title it. I didn’t feel like anything would give it justice.  I’m not creative and everything  just sounded pathetic, like I was trying too hard.  I just couldn’t find a word that described me, my thoughts, or anything that had to do with me.  I always said I was indescribable in those dumb about me sections on Myspace and Formspring and it gave me the easy way out.  However, after thinking about it long and hard; I found a word. Two-faced.  The connotation of that word is a lot worse than how I mean it. 

I have realized people do not know me.  I don’t really give most people the chance to get to know me either.  It has been both a good thing and a bad thing throughout college.  People have used the word “fake” to describe me.  I smile when I see someone, because I am genuinely pleased to see them, not because I secretly hate them and am plotting against them. If I am fake, it’s because  I can bottle my thoughts up inside and no one has any idea.  No one tries to have an intelligent conversation with me because they think of me as the goofy, awkward, semi-party girl.  There is more to me than meets the eye and I guess my thoughts don’t want to hide behind my goofy exterior anymore. 

I want a definition that includes more than just a subtextually negative word.  Now, I am on a mission to define myself and reinvent the way other people define me.  The real Anjavi and her real thoughts may just be ready for the real world.

Over and out.